The Umpatra

Beastmaster Episode Review

In which there is Grace Jones.

What Happened

An elephant stampede leads Dar to a pair of animals, slaughtered by a single hunter and left behind with their hearts cut out. Tao thinks that this was the work of an Umpatra warrior. As Tao is describing the Umpatra culture (they must make a kill each day or lose a finger joint), a demon appears in flame and light and predicts that Dar will be next.

The demon Ketzwayo promises Nakinja that killing Dar will give her the powers of the Beastmaster. She promises that he'd better be right, or she'll be hunting him next. Dar escapes her first attack, only to run straight into Curupira. She is, as one may guess, in a very very bad mood.

Dar finds Nakinja's campsite, but she is off capturing Ruh and Sharak. Curupira, meanwhile, argues with Ketzwayo, who laughs and calls her "funny feet." He threatens to destroy all her animals, but promises that he will leave the Mydlands if Dar can defeat his warrior.

Curupira summons the Ancient One to talk to him about Ketzwayo. The Ancient One tells her that, like all demons, Ketzwayo is protected from harm as long as he possesses the soul of a human. Curupira guesses that if Nakinja dies, she can destroy her nemesis.

Nakinja leads Dar and Tao to her field of battle, where she holds his animal friends in cages. Ketzwayo welcomes them and keeps Tao from interfering in the fight scene. When Dar tells her that her strength comes from Ketzwayo's magic, however, Nakinja is dishonored and takes her own life.

Fleeing, Ketzwayo runs straight into Curupira, who sucks the life out of him.

What We Learned

• First of all, Kiefer Sutherland called and wants his lines back.
• Tao trips over things.
• Remember to sleep with your mouth closed from now on.
• The Ancient One has decided to live backwards for a while.
• Not that Dar has listened to Tao before, but now is the time to do so.
• No man can move with the speed of a gazelle.
• In case Dar hasn't noticed, Nakinja is not a man.
• His dreams are large, but his heart is so small.

What Did I Think?

Like Tyra brings her own wind, Grace Jones brings her own Drama.