Beastmaster

Centaurs

Submitted by thinkwatchthink on Thu, 09/09/2010

Beastmaster Episode Review

In which there are special effects. And horsies!

What Happened

A pair of archers drive Voden's horses away from his camp, angering him. He sends Hjalmar to find them, but they run into Dar first and he beats them up. Before Sagitto and Radia ride off, Dar realizes that he is able to communicate with them as he does the animals.

Determined to find out if they are also Beastmasters, Dar follows the pair. That night, he sees them merge with their horses and become centaurs: half-man, half-animal. They all make friends with each other the next day, but Hjalmar interrupts when he steals Radia and Saggito's horses for Voden.

The archers are devastated. If they are separated from their mounts for even a few hours, they will weaken and die. When Radia's mount is wounded, she feels the pain, so Dar and Saggito go to rescue the horses. Voden sees the archers becoming centaurs and wants to add them to his army, but Dar talks Voden's horses into throwing their riders as Radia and Saggito escape.

What We Learned

  • Ghost have no need for Voden's horses.
  • Centaurs have been around almost as long as the Ancient One.
  • Centaurs tend to inspire those it's best not to inspire, bringing chaos galloping after them.
  • Home is where we find ourselves.
  • How quickly an interest becomes an obsession.
  • There's nothing to be gained by becoming emotional involved.
  • The Ancient One's not cold, he's aloof. There's a difference.
  • Fortune favors those who do the unexpected.
  • Dar is always defending some dumb animal from becoming part of history.
  • Freedom is wonderful, but freedom combined with respect for others is much more rewarding.

What Did I Think?

Not enormously interesting; this episode might have benefitted from a B-story to fill in the dead space.

Mate for Life

Submitted by thinkwatchthink on Tue, 09/07/2010

Beastmaster Episode Review

In which Dar saves folks.

What Happened

Dar and Tao rescue one of those damsels in distress they are always stumbling across. (No, seriously, it's like there are hundreds of little villages that all produce at least one girl for Dar to save.) Lyca is on the run from her tribe of Lion People, followed by the leader of the pride, Navas. She is determined to choose her own mate and lead her own life, rather than have Navas decide how she will live.

As they flee Navas, they run into Zad, who wants Tao to make weapons for the army he has collected to attack Voden. Tao tells Dar to focus on getting Lyca beyond the Pride's territory while he stalls Zad. He eventually produces a metal sword for Zad, then takes advantage of their drunken celebration to escape.

Dar guides Lyca to the bridge marking the end of Navas' territory. When she asks him to come with her, he gently turns her down. Lyca grows angry and transforms before his eyes into a lioness. Navas appears and argues that Lyca will never find anyone in the outside world to accept her, but Dar insists Lyca make her own choice.

Lyca chooses to leave Navas and go off on her own, accompanied by the lion cub she rescued.

What We Learned

  • Nothing wrong with learning something new.
  • Dar and Lyca have things in common.
  • Lyca doesn't look at Tao with the same gratitude.
  • Even in fantasy worlds, people make jokes about their in-laws.
  • It would break Zad's heart to carve up Dar's little friend.
  • Zad never knew Tao would come in so handy.
  • Once again logic has made the fool of Zad's ambition.
  • Tao is sure Voden isn't losing any sleep.
  • Tao can't work with these rocks.

Best Lines

Tao: "Noble platitudes."
Zad: "Thank you."

What Did I Think?

Tao and Zad make this one. And though Lyca and Navas weren't that interesting as characters, the actors did good jobs with what they had. I was impressed by their body language for the man-lion movement they used. Pretty to watch, but don't think about the dialogue too hard.

Wild Child

Submitted by thinkwatchthink on Mon, 09/06/2010

Beastmaster Episode Review

In which there is a little Claudia Black. And just enough King Zad.

What Happened

One of King Zad's new allies, Milosh, is off wolf-hunting, but all he catches is a little kid. Fortunately, Dar has heard the sounds of the hunt and is the credits and a commercial break away from showing up.

Dar saves the kid, calms the kid, and avoids being bitten by the kid. Milosh returns to King Zad, who tells him about the Beastmaster. Milosh announces that he'll kill Dar, and Zad doesn't try very hard not to laugh in his face. Huna, another of his guests, explains to Zad that Milosh killed the Chieftain of her tribe and tried to claim his place.

That night, a she-wolf shows up and leads the boy away. Dar guesses that the she-wolf is the little boy's "mother" and wonders if she can tell him where the boy came from. Huna tells that story when she runs into Dar: the little boy is Atticus, her son by the tribe's Chieftain and next in line to lead their people.

Dar talks the she-wolf into letting them see Atticus, and Huna bonds a little with her son. Even the wolf is making the aw-face, but then Zad and Milosh crash the party and the fight scene starts up. Milosh gets killed, and Zad decides to go because he knows it's the end of the episode. Reunited, Huna and Atticus travel away to safety.

What We Learned

  • Always pick on people your own size.
  • A man's rights only extend as far as his talents to exercise them.
  • No slave builds his master stronger chains.
  • A man, apparently, has needs. The prospect of sharing his bed with a woman of more or less equal status intrigues Zad.
  • Milosh will not be humiliated by that hairless strutting jackass again.
  • This Milosh must be a real glutton for punishment.
  • Putting Zad back in power would be a welcome by-product of driving out the Nords.
  • Welcome to Zad, anyways.

Best Line

Zad: "You have to love a man who gets it so wrong, so often, so predictably."

What Did I Think?

Much better than I expected from the "wolf-boy" preview. Claudia Black gives a nice performance and holds her own in the scenes with Steven Grives.

Tao's Brother

Submitted by thinkwatchthink on Fri, 09/03/2010

Beastmaster Episode Review

In which Tao needs new family.

What Happened

A new Eiron leader is organizing Tao's people against the Blood Priests. Tao desperately wants to be part of the fight, but it is Dar who keeps running into the new guy. Because if Tao ran into him, they'd immediately recognize each other as the "new guy" is Tao's brother Kim.

Everyone is also interested in stopping the progress of a new road Voden's men are building through the forest, and the warrior in charge is convinced that Dar trashed his supplies in the middle of the night. When Arina takes Dar and Tao into custody, someone tips off the Blood Priests. Fortunately, by the time they get there, Kim has turned up, given Tao a wedgie, and set them loose.

Kim wasts no time playing the melodrama card, telling Tao that their parents were among the first killed by Maloc and his Priests. Tao willingly joins the attack against Maloc, but when Kim viciously stabs Maloc to death, Tao is horrified. Arina is fine with the change of power, especially after Kim promises to provide men to help build Voden's road.

Dar walks out when Tao counsels compromise, but Tao later sees just what it is costing when he realizes that Voden's men are using the Eirons as slaves. When Dar returns, pissed that the road's progress is killing the animals, Kim has him arrested as a troublemaker.

Kim threatens to sacrifice Dar, but Tao interrupts. In the fight scene that follows, one of Voden's men takes aim at Tao, but Kim jumps in front of the arrow. Convinced by Tao to help out, Arina tells Dar that she has had her fill of tyrants and plans to leave Voden's service.

What We Learned

  • Eirons like to talk.
  • You can't fight your enemy in anger, not matter how just your cause.
  • Voden's road will change the face of the world.
  • An Eiron with the courage to fight is a rare thing.
  • Arina is sure King Voden doesn't care what the Eirons do to each other.
  • Self enlightenment is how you change yourself. Changing the world requires power.
  • Tao always had a way of complicating things.
  • One thing that always counters power is surprise.
  • A wise leader knows that fear is not his enemy.
  • It's only the good that people remember. The rest just goes away.

Best Lines

Tao: "Did you tell him about me?"
Dar: "Oh, he didn't ask."

Kim: "So, how long has Dar been taking care of my little brother." Oh there are so many places to go with that.

What Did I Think?

Points for Steve Bacic. I just wish they hadn't waited to the back half of the episode to put Tao and Kim in the same scene. It was more than a little contrived that Dar kept saying "my friend," instead of just calling Tao by his name. Of course, if he mentioned Tao by name, then everyone would have known what was going on thirty minutes earlier...

Golgotha

Submitted by thinkwatchthink on Thu, 09/02/2010

Beastmaster Episode Review

In which there are giant crocodiles. Really.

What Happened

Dar and Tao rescue Marika, a woman being attacked by a crocodile while swimming in the river. Her village elder is thrilled to see the Beastmaster, hoping that he can talk some sense into the animals who keep eating villagers in the night.

Dar doesn't think that the crocodiles are to blame for the missing villagers and - whatdoyouknow? - Tao sees man-shaped creatures kidnapping a woman. Searching the jungle for clues, Dar is found by the "phantoms," dragged to a sacrificial glade and tied to a post.

The Old Crocodile who shows up to eat Dar tells him that there are no more fish in the river. The crocodiles are starving and that's why they are feeding on humans. Promising to do something about that, Dar learns from Tao that a dam built by the village is trapping all the fish upstream.

While Dar is tearing down the dam, Marika's fiance Karpen takes her and Tao to be sacrificed. Upset because the village was turning away from the Old Gods, Karpen was using the crocodile attacks to increase his power among the young men of the village.

Despite the appearance of Iara, who tells him to let the villagers destroy themselves, Dar releases the river and then swims down-stream in time to rescue Tao and Marika.

What We Learned

  • If there is even the slightest possibility that a killer monster is wandering around, don't go swimming.
  • Grown men should not be required to wear silly hats of leaves and feathers.
  • Iara said nothing helpful.
  • That Old Crocodile likes Dar, and he doesn't like much.
  • For creatures with brains, human certainly don't use them.
  • This whole "guardian of nature" bit gets tired after a while.
  • Walking to your death? Spend the time filling the audience in on your tangled love life.
  • Not much in this world lives, unless something else dies.
  • Religion is Eeeeeviiiil.
  • Tao knows the crocodile almost killing him wasn't personal.
  • A river may change, but it's still a river.

What Did I Think?

It's a giant crocodile story, what can you expect?

Gone

Submitted by thinkwatchthink on Wed, 09/01/2010

Beastmaster Episode Review

In which someone thought they were being clever but really weren't.

What Happened

Dar saves "Tasmanian" tiger from being hunted by a man named Kaleb, who blames the beast for the deaths of his wife and children. Even though Dar goes out of his way to keep both Kaleb and the "Tasmanian" tiger from getting hurt, Kaleb insists on getting them all in trouble with King Voden.

With some help from Arina, Voden is capturing animals in the hopes of luring Dar to their rescue. He finally captures Dar, who rejects Voden's offer of an alliance. You know... Dar just doesn't want to help Voden take over the world with the help of his animal friends.

Kaleb finally twigs to the fact that Voden's Nords slaughtered his family and helps Dar free the "Tasmanian" tiger. Then, he and the "Tasmanian" tiger wander away together, each the last of their kind.

What We Learned

  • Dar talks to animals, birds, and sometimes a few humans.
  • Regretting your stupidity all too late, it's a common trait in humans.
  • Tao's father was a carver; he doesn't know what happened to him, but carries a wooden figurine he made for remembrance.
  • Dar's staff was passed through generations. The history of his people is written on it.
  • What you do returns to haunt you.
  • Tao understands that he isn't really as useful as a pair of ferrets.
  • Arina vowed vengeance against Zad, but now understands that she is bound to "a greater evil," in Voden.
  • Dar doesn't have pets. (Except for Tao.)

What I Couldn't Figure Out

  • How can the animal be a "Tasmanian" tiger? This is a fantasy world. Tasmania is a place on Earth. Named for a real live (well, now he's dead) guy named Tasman.

What Did I Think?

I can see that the "Tasmanian" Tiger would die out and become extinct, but couldn't Kaleb go find another wife? Was he non-human or just from yet another slaughtered tribe? Let's face it, if he and his wife and his kids had been the last of a species, they would be extinct in a generation anyway, wouldn't they? That's not to say he can't be sad about his family, but this whole lone survivor last of his kind thing just sets my teeth on edge. Melodrama much?

Heart Like a Lion

Submitted by thinkwatchthink on Tue, 08/31/2010

Beastmaster Episode Review

In which there is much laughter.

What Happened

Dar has a dream of an enchantress seducing Tao, but is distracted (!?) by the plight of a lion cub who claims that his mother has been captured by the evil Arkon. Or maybe he just figures Tao needs to get laid. While Tao is off trying to find some drugs for his killer back pain, Dar takes the cub and goes looking for the lioness.

At Arkon's camp, he meets Breon, who is the only one of his people who sees Arkon for the power-mad, creepy guy he is. That has a lot to do with the fact that Arkon is about to choose Breon's girlfriend to be one of his "priestesses." None of the other villagers seem concerned by Arkon's taking their daughters, or by his seriously bad eye-shadow.

Tao is approached by the enchantress Layla, who leads him around for a little while, until he guesses that she's trying to use illusions to control him. (No. I don't know why she'd bother.) When he laughs at her, this breaks the illusion. Finding Dar, he shares his new method of defeating evil and Dar is able to use it against Arkon.

Egged on by Dar, all the villagers realize just how silly Arkon's little face fur is and start laughing, freeing themselves from his control.

What We Learned

  • Tao thinks, therefore he hurts.
  • Purple herbs like the shade.
  • What we need and what we want aren't always the same thing.
  • Perhaps if Tao didn't carry around so much crap, his back would not hurt so much.
  • In Tao's hands, Dar's staff weapon is... a waste of time.
  • The strongest illusions can be broken by laughter.
  • Arkon's rather slow on the uptake. I would think he'd notice Dar's staff weapon and know that it's him pretty much from the start.

What Did I Think?

Nice idea, but suffers in execution. Can it be that no one had actually laughed at Arkon before this? The clothes alone make that unlikely. And how did Breon become immune to his illusions? And why did Layla waste all that time on Tao?

White Tiger

Submitted by thinkwatchthink on Mon, 08/30/2010

Beastmaster Episode Review

In which Dar is always losing something.

What Happened

Iara decides to make her move against Curupira and Dar. She offers to transform Curupira's white tiger into a human if he will kill for her. The tiger stalks Dar while Iara summons up a mist in the Mydland forest and begins luring Dar's friends into it. First Kodo and Podo vanish, and then Ruh. Tao becomes convinced that he's next.

Curupira goes to the Sorceress for help, but finds her imprisoned in amber by the Ancient One. Fearing Iara, Curupira makes Dar promise to protect her animals if Iara succeeds in destroying her. Curupira also tells Dar that Iara has lied to the white tiger. If he tells the tiger the truth, the tiger will not kill him.

Dar confronts the tiger and persuades the animal to trust him, but it is too late: Iara has imprisoned Curupira beneath the water and taken control of her domain. Iara releases Dar's friends, telling him that she has what she wanted and can wait for him to love her.

What We Learned

  • If you can see through your fear, then you're fine.
  • Tao and Dar are travelling to the middle of the middle of the world, where demons are friendlier.
  • Death is always waiting in the future. Until it isn't.
  • Tao's always getting frozen by things.
  • Dar is human, but that's not his fault.
  • Dar is glad to see Curupira is having fun while something's trying to kill him.
  • A Sorceress is not supposed to have a heart.
  • Dar is human, but that's not his fault.
  • Dar is always losing something.

Best Lines

Dar: "It's Curupira."
Tao: "What does she want?"
Dar: "Probably to yell at me."

What Did I Think?

Nice idea, but that long dull talky bit in the middle drags it down.

Rage

Submitted by thinkwatchthink on Fri, 08/27/2010

Beastmaster Episode Review

In which Voden needs new family.

What Happened

Bahktiar, an athlete in Xinca, challenges Dar to fight. When Dar wins, Bahktiar becomes enraged and runs off. Seeing Bahktiar jump over the city wall, Dar follows, but is confused when the man's footprints become a puma's.

Back in Xinca, Voden introduces Tao to his mother, who has refused for years to speak to anyone. When the princes were children, a cruel Voden teased his brother mercilessly until she pleaded with the Ancient One, a former love, to save her child.

Despite the Ancient One's warnings, the Sorceress intervenes and turns Bahktiar back into a man. He explains to Dar that he was cursed to become an animal whenever his rage overcomes him. Dar promises to help Bahktiar free his mother from Voden, which is pretty much just what he does.

The Ancient One, meanwhile, announces that he's tired of the Sorceress poking her nose where it doesn't belong and seals her in pillar of amber to think about what she's done.

What We Learned

  • These are times that try our very souls.
  • With emotional pain, it is talking that draws out the poison.
  • Voden's present company doesn't exactly excel at the art of conversation.
  • Self control is master of ability. Make a man lose control and you become the master.
  • The Sorceress is not a child, but she is acting like one.
  • If you fall, it's forever.
  • Fools talk. The wise listen.
  • Voden always has a better idea.
  • This isn't very fair at all. He's got that big metal knife and all Dar has got is his tiger.
  • It is fair in Voden's world.
  • Tao intends to talk more often.

What Did I Think?

More backstory on Voden. Wish it were more interesting, but I guess you can't have everything.

Ghosts of the Forest

Submitted by thinkwatchthink on Thu, 08/26/2010

Beastmaster Episode Review

In which Tao is bummed.

What Happened

Tao is feeling bummed about the psychotic blood-thirsty priests who took over his home being kicked out by the slightly less psychotic King Voden and his Nords. Voden wants to make nice with Dar and thinks that they will get off on the right foot if he captures a bunch of tigers and forces Dar to come to Xinca and rescue them.

A tiger released from a pit trap turns out to be Ruh's dying mother Tiala. Ruh asks Dar to escort Tiala on her final journey, and he agrees. They are followed by Arina, who is sent along by Voden and saddled with a pushy flunky who picks fights with her.

The quest to guide Tiala inspires Tao to reconsider his goals in life. He decides to call together the scattered Eirons and try to find a way to retake Xinca. As Tiala dies, Voden catches up with Dar and Tao. In a show of good faith, he releases a captured Eiron and promises Dar he can come and go from Xinca as he wishes.

What We Learned

  • Don't insult those who are better than you are.
  • Embracing one's destiny will bring ever greater rewards.
  • A man who confronts his enemy in anger has already lost.
  • Tigers get very unreasonable when you harm one of their own.
  • Let's not get too dramatic. It's a small tent. It could go up in no time.
  • Tao has a brother named Kim.
  • Danger isn't high on Dar's list of concerns right now.
  • It doesn't matter if a man falls, as long as he rises and goes on.
  • Voden finds martyrs intriguing.
  • It takes great skill to turn defeat into purpose.

Best Lines

Tao: "I've been thinking."
Dar: "I will take that as sign you're feeling better."

What Did I Think?

Less melodramatic than the one-line synopsis would suggest. Voden is a very different kind of enemy for Dar.

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