Collateral Damage

Pretender Episode Review

In which I doubt that Miss Parker wants to process unresolved childhood issues.

What Happened

Jarod joins the Army Rangers in order to investigate a Vietnam Vet accused of treason after classified documents were found in his possession. As he had just gotten blown off a land-mine, Mark Clements wasn't able to defend himself. The only survivors from Bravo Company are crusty Captain McClaren and Stanfield, a former grunt who is now a Senator.

Left without a babysitter, Broots has to leave his daughter with someone when Mr. Raines sends him to Miami. Sydney is busy with his twins, so Miss Parker reluctantly and with much growling agrees to watch Little Debbie. Taking her home, Miss Parker is upset when a snooping Little Debbie pulls an old birthday present out of the bottom of the coat closet.

Clements sent a letter to his daughter, saying that he knew someone in the company was selling information to the enemy. Jarod tracks down the Vietnamese boy who witnessed Mark's death to ask him about the story. "Lenny" Duc explains that he told Clements that Stanfield and McClaren were up to no good. He stepped on a land mine as they followed McClaren, but Clements put his weight on it and saved the boy. McClaren stepped out and shot Clements, then watched him bleed to death.

Sydney tells Miss Parker that she need to stop taking her anger over her mother's death out on poor Little Debbie. Flashbacks abound as opera plays on the soundtrack, and Miss Parker agrees to braid Little Debbie's hair and explain why the present freaked her out so much. It was last gift her mother ever gave her, a copy of Little Women.

By the time Broots gets home, Little Debbie and Miss Parker have bonded to the point that they went shopping. Too be fair, the leather skirt isn't as short as it could have been.

What We Learned

• Jarod has had a lot of practice in blending in.
• I doubt that Miss Parker wants to process unresolved childhood issues.
• You must wait for the proper viscosity before you add the chunk.
• Rules of the house: No running. No playing. No noise, that includes both crying and whining. Be invisible and we will get along just fine.
• Jarod did help manipulate the Nixon landslide in 1972.
• $89.99 plus shipping and handling puts you on the road to the American Dream.
• That's not a good sound.
• Miss Parker doesn't hug.

Best Lines

Sydney: "They have been awake for over ninety hours."
Miss Parker: "That long in a room with you, must be a record."

Miss Parker: "She's like a chihuahua."

What Did I Think?

Miss Parker bonding with Debbie was cute, even if the opera was a bit melodramatic.